Have a look at the sky, with all that beautiful, bountiful snow coming down, melting on your nose and glasses.

And then think about all those things you'd have to let go of. All those people you had to cut yourself from. All these tasks you had to leave unfinished. All those feelings you had to admit.

Denying those feelings had been the worst, hadn't they ? People you could always do away with : you're a congenial person, after all, you'd find new friends. Those who would never answer back had actually never been your true friends. But those feelings, those longings you had. Physical longings that were just the mark of your total emotional dependency. Some of them had understood that, and supported you in a way you could not accept as good - they left you behind, leaving just a note when you're better, I'll still be there, but for now, we'd better stay apart.. That was the hard part, wasn't it ? You know they stil felt something for you, you knew it wasn't just love - or lust. That feeling of dependency, you had to admit it existed before you tried to remove it. You wouldn't be able to reddem your self-respect if you hadn't chosen to face those feelings. Accept the shame, accept the truth, accept the falsehood, the lies. Embrace your own mind, confront yourself with your very own opinion. Stop trying to be a good person, be one - and yes, sometimes it means disagreeing, disputing ideas, and telling your friends they're wrong as far as you know.

That's all very well. Keep on telling yourself you'll never again decline your own responsability. Stop playing on words - apply them. You've accepted you'd been a terrible liar, you've accepted these ideas that you'd used your mental unhealthy state at your basic advantage - dismissing your role, lowering your own self-esteem because you lacked self-control. That self-control, you've never ever lost it, even when you drank that whole bottle of blue, anis-tasting medecine. For two days, your mind was a blur, and that was the only time you'd lost touch, actually.

That was necessary, after all, one way or another. You had to reboot the system, as you say. Just as you've learned to stop someone's heart to have it take a normal pulse once again, you had your brain stop, your life shatter, your friends and family worried just for you to stop your downward spiraling life. It worked. You weren't alone, and you forced yourself, you went against what you'd always thought was your inner truth, your perfect nature.

You weren't perfect then, and you're not perfect now either - at least that's something you should remember. Just as your wonded knee shall always remind you of that stupid fall you suffered from, the memory of these moments will remind you of your own frailty.

Just one thing, now, before you go. Remember you're not what you dream you are. Think about who you really are and live accordingly.