I can understand, in a way, phantasms about barebacking. I've watched bareback movies and got excited. The problem came afterwards, right away... This friend of mine who'd given me these videos is also very strict about personnal hygien and protection. As far as I know, he's not into those movies either. I wanted to believe he was the one exciting me when we watched the movie together on my bed two years or so ago. He definetly was, but that was not all, I was excited by the transgression.

I did not stay excited long, though. First of all, bescause I thought about those men, risking their lives, even though they were already HIV+. Numerous strands of HIV exist, and we all know that HIV+ leds to immuno deficiency - you can catch and develop any bacterial or viral disease around. Then I thought about what a devastating effect these movies could have, not only on younger audiences (young adult gay men), but also on anyone watching them. Generalizing barebacking movies is like accepting the risk both for actors/performers and the audience. It enables that terrible idea that it's neither dangereous nor socially inaceptable.

Of course, there are always people who'd tell you that adults do what they want and measure the risks they take with regards to their pleasure. The point here is immediate pleasure vs. long term risk - is one worth the other ?

We've all dreaded these moments when we knew we'd done something terrible, or had an accident (ill-placed condoms that break or leak)... those of us who've lived through without being infected still have lived through the pro-active chemiotheray used as an urgency and the awful moments waiting for the doctor to come and tell us we're HIV° or aren't. Let's remember our dear friends, living and departed, whose result was positive...

So, in a way, I am being moralist. It's a moral issue, a civic issue, a general health issue. This week-end was Sidaction week-end in France, aids-awareness and fundraising took place on TV and radio stations. I give money, and time, again aids. It may not be enough, but that's what I do. I can't stand doing less. Yes, I'm overly conservative. Most people know I'm not faithful in the heterosexual sense - but I play safe. Except for the rare periods of time when we haven't been promiscuous with other men, Alain and I still use condoms. Feeling him inside me without condoms might be far better, but I don't want to risk either of our healths.

In the perticular case of the barebacking fist-fucking guy, the things get worse : he actively promotes not using protections. Fist-fucking has been proven, lately, to be a source of anal infections if not done safely. This practice is not a problem of HIV contamination, but it's nonetheless something I refuse to even consider (especially since I will not even go as far as trying ff...) Promoting barebacking practices remind me of a documentary that was shown on Pink TV three years ago - the one where a dick and balls are adequated with a gun with barrel. I's just nothing short of a first-degree crime.