That friend of mine called yesterday. She wanted to know how things were going, especially with Alain. Last time we talked, Alain and I were argueing a lot - on the brink of fighting actually. She got the answer she'd asked for and was particularly impressed by Alain's success at his exam. Thank you very much. Not that very nice a remark that one was.

Of course, she also angered me when she told me "ah, you're still listening to her". Her meaning Mylène F. Randomness has its way with my computer... when miss "I know better" called, yes, PQSD was playing, and a nice remix it was. Yet all my "friend" heard was a fag hag singing. Grmbh.

Yeah, we're fags, and we're proud - to say so. That little miss "I'll tell you what to listen to" is one of those who can't stand words like "pride", "homophobia". Why can I even have friends like that ? Maybe because I've known her for the last thirty years ? I'd call her a sympathetic, caring friend, really, but she hasn't really accepted my being gay. I guess her religious background explains a lot.

Whatever.

When I hung off, I am what I am had already begun - she couldn't believe her hears apparently. Thus she made that disgusted "hugh" sound she's known for - sheer disdain.

Once upon a time, she was going to be a nun, then she met the love of her life who dumped her ; that actually was a kind of cycle, oscillating between loves of her life and Christ... she'd known six of seven cycles before eventually finding that special man, the father of her kids, the one who'd stay at night with her, etc. Well, the difference between that man and the others is that he's left her with two kids and many debts. Well, she's used the sympathy (empathy ?) I had for her a lot, and she showed some to me when, seven years ago, I also fell into the same kind of cycles she'd been used for ten years. During that time, her sights on gays have changed... she's not as homophobic as she was when I came out to her in 2000. She still believes trans are profoundly mad, but she doesn't think so of gay and lesbian people. Bi is a fearsome word for her (at least one of her ex's was bi and left her, you'd guess, for another man).

Well, to put it bluntly, she'd better change a whole lot more if she wants to remain a friend.

I mean, disliking Mylène or Gloria or whoever happens to sing on my computer is one thing. The true point is her views on gays, lesbians, trans & bi people. We shouldn't feel proud, we shouldn't proclaim to the world we sleep with all these fellow men. We should hide ourselves. You now, I don't need to know what Alain and you do in bed. That's her phrase. We, no she doesn't, but that's not a reason to force us to stay ad vitam aeternam in our pinkish closets. Yes, she's one of those who can stand gay people as long as they are no gay in public. She can stand "gay" music as long as she doesn't have to listen to it. She can stand gay actors as long as she learns they're gay when they die - or aren't successful as before.

Like Richard Chamberlain, you know. I was in love with him. I wouldn't have been able to suffer his being gay at that time. Just like taht old school comrade who'd say he hadn't read Proust because of that - although it was mandatory for the Grandes Ecoles exams... Since that time, I've managed not to talk to him anymore.

Well, if these people can change, that's all the better. If they can't so be it - I'm not going to go back to the closet, so I'll leave them behind.